Develop Your Assertiveness by Sue Bishop

Author:Sue Bishop [Bishop, Sue]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kogan Page
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

10

POWER

This chapter asks you to consider two meanings of the word power: power of delivery or the amount of force needed for you to get your message across, and the concept of power over others and how you can use or abuse it.

CONFIDENT DELIVERY

Why is it that some people have a seemingly natural ability to command attention and respect when they speak? What is it that makes others listen and pay attention to their words? It isn’t necessarily a question of status, or the content of what they say. Such people often don’t speak ‘Oxford’ English, express themselves using perfect grammatical constructions, or even have perfect diction. What they do have is resonance. Such people tend to have melodious, rich voices and to use the lower end of their voice range. Observe and listen to others. People who speak quickly and breathily in a high-pitched voice do not appear as assertive as those who speak more slowly using deeper voice tones. The lower pitch conveys control and confidence.

It would be ridiculous to suggest that from now on you growl your way through life by self-consciously lowering the tone of your voice, but you can begin to achieve greater resonance by practising the way you breathe. Try this. Stand in front of a mirror breathing naturally. Now draw a deep breath. Does your chest expand? Do your shoulders rise? I thought so. You are breathing ‘high’, using your rib rather than your abdominal muscles. Try again, this time putting your hands across your stomach. When you breathe in, consciously keep your shoulders lowered and fill your lungs from the abdomen – you will feel your stomach expanding. If you practise abdominal breathing, you will be utilizing all, not just the top, of your lungs, which in itself must be beneficial. You will also be engaging your diaphragm more, and this in turn will access the lower end of your voice range and add resonance to your voice, conveying more authority.

VOLUME AND INTONATION

Words delivered in a monotone soon become just that – monotonous! Your delivery will need light and shade if you want to keep the attention of your listener. Assertive delivery requires smooth-flowing, resonant inflection; the voice will be relaxed with enough volume to be heard distinctly without being overpowering.

However, there are some occasions when assertive behaviour requires a little more power than generally recommended for everyday conversation. If you were to see a small child about to put her hand into an activated food-processor, it would be inappropriate to say, in a low-pitched, relaxed way, ‘I’d prefer you not to put your hand into that food-processor.’ Assertive, yes; practical, no! Obviously, there are occasions – when someone’s personal safety is at risk, for instance – when more force of delivery is required.

The content of the communication doesn’t have to become aggressive, however. In the above example, a loud, strident ‘NO’ to stop the action immediately and demand attention, followed by a forceful explanation of why that was a

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